Morning Goods

I was walking past the Whistlestop shop in waterloo station, a place which does some pretty decent pain aux raisins and chocolate croissants, and saw they had a sign advertising what they called their "wide range of morning goods". At the time it struck me as yet another marketing term to sum up a whole collection stuff in one or two words - like 'white goods' meaning fridges, washing machines and cookers, even though they now come in all sorts of colours.

It also struck me as a great name for a band.

I looked into the term 'morning goods' a bit more and found that, according to the ever-useful Flour Advisory Bureau on their page dedicated to facts about bread in the UK:

Morning goods are so called because whilst bread was traditionally baked in a hot oven during the night, morning goods were baked after bread in the morning when the oven was cooling.

Interesting. I am sure that it has been taken over by marketing types to mean types of food which are traditionally eaten in the morning, whether bakery-related or not, and most of the public must understand it in that way, but there is an official original meaning too. In the future this might mean that when the term is used in ways which include yoghurts and cereals pedants will object and bemoan the fact that teh original meaning has been lost - in much the same way that they now complain that "gay" has lost its original meaning.

And on the subject of 'gay'... it appears that 'morning goods' has a meaning in the gay subculture too, or if it doesn't queerty.com is trying to establish some sort of meaning. It has a regular feature called mornign goods which is nothing more than photos of young men revealing oiled biceps and waxed chests. I think just means that such men would be a good way to start your morning.

Because of that Morning Goods would have to be either a gay or gay-friendly band. Either that or they could find out the other connotations later and just not care - like AC/DC did with their name. Perhaps they would even have chosen the name becasue it sounds a bit like 'morning wood' (which has already been snapped up by a band called Morningwood). I don't know why, but I just see Morning Goods being like the Flaming Lips or the Arcade Fire - doing their own thing and defying a genre label.

Landbank

Originally a Land Bank was a bank which issued long-term loans on real estate. It does still mean that and there are plenty of Land Banks around, but more recently the term has also come to refer to the holding of parcels of land for future use.

This has hit the news in Britain most often regarding Tescos supermarkets, and is the cause of some controversy. The suggestion is that the large supermarkets are buying up land which could be locations for stores, often without developing them. One accusation is that a supermarket will buy up suitable land near their own stores so that nobody else can open in competition with them.

The whole issue of the morality of large supermarket companies is complex and wide-ranging but one thing is certain - land bank would be a great name for a band!

Landbank would have to be a band in the Radiohead or Coldplay mould, known as much for their opinions on big business, globalisation and poverty as for their music, which would be rock but not heavy.

Pramface

Pramface is a term either invented by, or made popular by Popbitch, the celebrity gossip site. According to the Urban Dictionary it means:

"A woman who looks so young she ought to be pushing a pram around a council estate in the shittiest part of town."

But that doesn't seem quite right. It always seemed to me to mean a young girl looking old beyond her years, probably through having a child at a young age. Anyway, its a term a bit like "chav" - patronising and a way for the middle classes to denigrate the working classes who they just see as an amorphous mass of council house-dwelling, tracksuit-wearing single mothers.

Despite that, its still a great name for a band.

I think that Pramface would be similar in style to Hard-fi, the Arctic Monkeys, The Ordinary Boys or one of those other back-to-basics new guitar bands. They would be gritty, ironic and young.

Earworm

I came across the term 'earworm' on this, always fascinating, blog called
Art of noise. In there it describes how earworm (or ohrwurm in the original German) is the word for one of those songs you just can't get out of your head. (See the Wordspy definition here)

I must have missed it when the BBC web sitediscussed this back in 2003. Apparently there is a real earworm too - some sort of bug which eats ears of corn.

I thought it was such an obviously great name for a band that it must have been used already, but I have searched high and low and not found a band called Earworm. I did find Earworm Records, a German festival called Earworm and some songs and albums called Earworm, but no band.

I am still convinced that there is a band called Earworm out there, but I can't find them. The only downside to such a great name is the need to live up to it, so whatever music Earworm play it had better be catchy!

Peckham Rolex

I saw a headline in the paper about Peckham Rolexes, which was a phrase I had not heard before. I thought it might have something to do with bling but as this story shows, it is more interesting than that.

It turns out that Peckham Rolex is supposedly street slang for those electronic tags used to keep track of criminals. Its a good nickname for them but I can't see it catching on - its too specific to Britain. There will probably be something catchier and more universal which will gain more currency, or if not universal then something US-centric which our wannabe gangstas will happily adopt. Still. Its a great name for a band isn't it?

With a name like Peckham Rolex a band would probably not have aspirations beyong the club circuit, but the name would look good on the posters.

Desire Path

Desire path, Tilgate
Originally uploaded by Fun-filled Georgie.

Desire path is a term for when planners design a layout, with paved pathways and green areas, but everybody always takes a shortcut across the grass.

The resulting muddy track is called variously the desire path, path of desire, or line of desire and shows where the path should have gone if it was to suit the people who use the space rather than those who designed the layout.

This photo from a photographer who is local to me illustrates the concept well. I like to keep an eye on his photos on Flickr and when I saw this one I immediately thought... what a great name for a band.

Its such a nice generic name, Desire Path. It could easily suit a standard Coldplay/Snow Patrol sort of band but could just as easily be a soul band or folk band.

Redknapp's Trolley Dash

A headline in the sports section of today's paper read "Redknapp's trolley dash yields nothing but excuses". The gist of the match report was that the Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp has been on a bit of a spending spree during the transfer window and started this home game against Everton with four new players but still ended up losing 1-0.

Harry Redknapp has a reputation as a bit of an Arthur Daley for his transfer deals, snapping up players cheap or on free transfers who later turn out to be stars of the team. Sometimes his wheeling and dealing fell down a bit (Marco Boogers) but when he was at West Ham his transfer activity was second only to his ability come up with fantastic quotes in post-match interviews.

Being a West Ham supporter I still have a bit of a soft spot for Harry which is why the headline caught my eye, and it was mere nanoseconds later that I thought it would make a great name for a band.

Actually 'Arry's Trolley Dash would be just as good, maybe better, but nevertheless Redknapp's Trolley Dash would still be good for a pub-circuit band.

Pimp Cups

Apparently a lady called Debbie from Chicago came up with the idea of pimp cups a while ago. They are basically glasses decorated in a 'bling bling' style, but she now has a reasonable business selling them.

I think they look ugly, but then I think most of the pimp style is ugly. Great name for a band though.

Maybe The Pimp Cups would not be a band as such, but could be a rapper's crew, like Busta Rhymes has the Flipmode Squad.

Verdigris Sash

I recently read a book called The Vesuvius Club by Mark Gatiss. He is one of the members of The League Of Gentlemen, and he also wrote an episode of the new Doctor Who.

Anyway, the book is billed as 'A Lucifer Box novel' so I assume he intends to write more books with the character Lucifer Box. Some of the other characters in the book have even better names - Bella Pok, Mrs. Midsomer Knight, Kitty Backlash for example - and the main character is a portrait painter who is also a government spy/assassin. Basically he is a sort of Edwardian James Bond, but with with more buggery than 007 would have put up with.

Early in the book it turns out that the British man in Italy has been killed, but before he died he sent a cryptic telegram, which just read: VERDIGRIS SASH. MOST URGENT. DETAILS FOLLOW.

Straight away I thought that Verdigris Sash would make a great name for a band. I won't explain what it means, that would just spoil the plot, but it turns out to be a good, slightly camp, ripping yarn which is well worth a read, illustrated by some Aubrey Beardsley-esque pen and ink drawings.

Here is a little taster of the end of chapter two:

Once back out into the humid night, I made my way towards Downing Street. I bade the bobby on duty outside Number Ten a cheery 'goodnight' then let myself into Number Nine.
I know, ostentatious isn't it? But somebody has to live there.

I don't know what sort of music Verdigris Sash would play, but I fancy they would have very English lyrics with a hint of whimsy to them.